I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
