I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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