I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
