Please, let me fuck your mom
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
