Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
