hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and she was petting her beer can
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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