with your own penis?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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