Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
