dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
