I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Congratulations! We have a period
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