then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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