she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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