Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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