I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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