oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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