What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
