How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
