Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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