it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
