that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
