One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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