New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
