theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
