operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
