I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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