DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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