Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
