Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
