Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i drank out of a bidet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Come on in and take your pants off
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