i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize