Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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