can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
