I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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