the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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