Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
