Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
