girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
