11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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