make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
