The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
