wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize