You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
