I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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