so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No subtext here. People are naked.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
