420 ftw
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
