Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
