saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize