U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
