can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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