Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
