I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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