I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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