My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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