I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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