why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
