It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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