the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
