Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
