The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
