i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
