You work out of a Hotel?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
