WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
