and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
