College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So vagazzling was a success
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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