So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
