Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
