We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
